Fan of Desperate Housewives? I hate to be the bearer of bad news but here’s some information that could potentially leave millions of fans devastated. It appears that Desperate Housewives was suspiciously excluded when ABC announced in early January that The Middle, Modern Family, Cougar Town, Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice were all renewed for 2010-11.

So what exactly does this mean for the show? Well, the general hype on the Internet suggests that the show isn’t really in danger of doing a runner from our TV screens this year. I mean, why would it? The demand is certainly there and apparently, the cast is still more than willing to pull another season out of the bag (if I was earning $400,000 an episode, I’d be more than willing too).

The confusion has nothing to do with the show itself; the creator, Marc Cherry, has a contract with ABC until 2013, but the stars do not. Their contracts expire this season.

Cast hottie James Denton, who plays Mike Delfino, said that talks with the producers were “tenuous,” but then reassured us that “I think it’s going to work out. The network really wants us. We all want to be there.”

Denton seems more than happy with the job saying they’d have “to drag me out of there feet first”. The problem doesn’t seem to involve the male cast members. In fact, they haven’t even been approached about their contracts yet because the women of the show are the priority. It is called Desperate Housewives, after all.

The problem seems to revolve around – drum roll – money. It seems $400,000 might not be enough for at least three of the main quartet; Felicity Huffman (Lynette Scavo), Eva Longoria (Gabrielle Solis) and Marcia Cross (Bree Van de Kamp). ABC president Paul Lee hinted that contract talks with the female stars was one of several things holding up the works.

Teri Hatcher (Susan Mayer) and Vanessa Williams (Renee Perry) have both reportedly renewed their contracts and from what I can gather, the biggest dispute seems to involve Eva Longoria, who is pushing for a pay rise.

In January, Longoria was forced to close the doors of her shared restaurant, “Kiss”, because of losses, amounting to $76,000, and because of the failure to pay some of the restaurant’s creditors. Apparently, this cost Longoria just over $5 million, so presumably, she’s trying to avoid feeling the pinch.

Although somehow I doubt that, taking into account that there have been 149 episodes of Desperate Housewives broadcasted, as of February of this year, and at $400,000 an episode… You do the math. It’s a lot of cash so I don’t think $5 million would cause many a sleepless night.

This unprecedented quandary looks unlikely to leave us twiddling our thumbs on Tuesday nights though. At least, that’s what everyone’s hoping, including Marc Cherry; “the actresses are still in hot and heavy negotiations, so as of this moment everyone is hopeful and optimistic that we’ll be returning for an eighth season”. He does add, however, that it all depends on if the women sign their new contracts, or not.

It’s pretty much factual to say that the show will end, for good, in 2013 when the contract with ABC terminates, after 9 years on our screens. Cherry (like the rest of us!) is still waiting for the green light to get the 8th series underway, so here’s hoping! By the sounds of it, Cherry isn’t distressed by the situation and just hopes to have the contracts agreed on by the end of February. Let’s be optimistic that things are as they seem and that we won’t be landed with the terrible ordeal of having to find something to do for an hour on a Tuesday, when we would otherwise be watching our favourite highly-strung housewives. A stressful thought, I know.

It probably won’t come to that however, which is most likely a good thing because I don’t think its (almost) 200 million viewers worldwide are quite ready to say goodbye to the drama (and fashion) on Wisteria Lane. In the meantime, season 7 is kicking off tonight on RTE2. So grab your pyjamas and your Ben & Jerry’s and enjoy your first hour back with the girls!

It’s back, but where is the bang? As the episodes drift by, and they do merely drift, the dwindling audience are left clutching at straws in the hope of a little excitement. Each episode seems to confront me with the question of whether it is me getting old or is it the concept behind E4’s revolutionary has-been Skins.

The latest cast to take on the roles of the stereotypical teens have long been given their chance to prove themselves worthy of representatives of our culture. Replacing Effy (Kaya Scodalario) as queen bee is Mini (Fraya Mavor) who, despite attempts to characterise her as malicious and conniving in more recent episodes, remains timid and unconvincing, offering us a lacklustre portrayal.

With a weak casting of the leading lady there is little hope for the rest of the ensemble. Indeed the lack of support is clear and the rest of the cast seem to slip into the low energy of Miss Mavor. However, Laya Lewis who plays Mini’s best friend Liv is going from strength to strength as the series progresses.

Her onscreen presence emits confidence and maturity in handling the trials and tribulations of teenage life. Completing queen bee’s original trio is Grace (Jessica Sula). Of all the characters created by writers of series 5, Grace is perhaps the most endearing. Her innocence, positivity and simplicity of character offer a refreshing break in the often over-complicated storylines.

The character is well played by Sula and there is a sense that there is much potential for Grace to carry a most compelling storyline should she be presented with such an opportunity.

The main issues stem from the fact that the majority of the cast and their shenanigans are in no way memorable. Having experienced four series prior to this with two casts, the lines of comparison have been well and truly drawn.

Perhaps we have been spoilt up until now, perhaps it is simply that it is becoming more and more difficult for writers to come up with original ideas or perhaps it is merely a shift in its target audience which has left me so far unimpressed. It is quite understandable if the hit show has run its course and should this be the case then let it end now with its head held high as the groundbreaking drama that shook society. Either this or foster Grace’s infectious positive attitude and aim for higher standards.

Dear Diary, today I robbed a truck load of meat… as you do! I also faked my own death to escape the debt collectors… as you do! Oh and I got stoned… as you do! Lots of love, the Gallaghers!

Whatever about stealing the idea from the U.K., the U.S. adaptation of Shameless has finally arrived on Irish screens. Kicking off last Thursday on RTÉ, the Gallagher family came in force. With only a mere brief encounter with the U.K. series, I draw upon few comparisons when watching the show.

The show brings us Frank, of the Gallaghers, who pours the love and devotion for his five kids into alcohol, drugs and animalistic antics. Played by William H. Macy, the character portrayal is spot on; an absolute lout whose entertainment value lies heavily in the fact that viewers are proud of how they turned out and proud of their functional families.

Dysfunctional family is what it would seem that the Gallaghers represent and epitomise. However there is a certain sense of order amidst the chaos. Emmy Rossum takes on the role of Fiona, Frank’s eldest daughter, who is both the spine of the family and the show, excellently holding things together. Her romance with Steve (Justin Chatwin) adds a sense of glamour and escape from the eccentricity of family life.

One thing that overrides the show is the love within the home and community. Indeed they behave wildly but with each episode we are left bathing in the sense of unity which spills out of the TV set. Whilst taking family troubles to the extreme it is something with which all the audience can relate. The show explores the family bonds and highlights the essence of what being a part of a family really is.

As well as the internal, the show approaches issues of global recognition. The issue of homosexuality is to be explored in the coming series as Cameron Monaghan plays Ian, the teenager with a secret. Cover-ups and lies lead to a foray of unexpected and inevitable situations. An issue, even more so relevant to society today than when first exposed in 2004 with its British debut, is that concerning financial hardship.

Families of all classes can relate to the necessity of money in order to simply make it from one day to the next. Although the Chicago bunch does not mirror the dire straits which the Manchester family found themselves in, the lingering desperation and struggle remains equally strong.

With the British production having recently embarked on series 8, the longevity of the U.S. is yet to be established. The content for a compelling script is certainly there and has already firmly been established, however the show has met an unusual reception with opinions fluctuating weekly as aspects prove to push the boundaries a little too much for the audience overseas. No doubt the production has done justice to the original and as a newly established fan; I will not be missing any future episodes should the high standard remain at the same level. I can shamelessly say that I am hooked. A Gallagher at heart.

Shameless continues on RTÉ 2, Thursdays at 9.55.

Fan of Desperate Housewives? I hate to be the bearer of bad news but here’s some information that could potentially leave millions of fans devastated. It appears that Desperate Housewives was suspiciously excluded when ABC announced in early January that The Middle, Modern Family, Cougar Town, Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice were all renewed for 2010-11.

So what exactly does this mean for the show? Well, the general hype on the Internet suggests that the show isn’t really in danger of doing a runner from our TV screens this year. I mean, why would it? The demand is certainly there and apparently, the cast is still more than willing to pull another season out of the bag (if I was earning $400,000 an episode, I’d be more than willing too).

The confusion has nothing to do with the show itself; the creator, Marc Cherry, has a contract with ABC until 2013, but the stars do not. Their contracts expire this season.

Cast hottie James Denton, who plays Mike Delfino, said that talks with the producers were “tenuous,” but then reassured us that “I think it’s going to work out. The network really wants us. We all want to be there.”

Denton seems more than happy with the job saying they’d have “to drag me out of there feet first”. The problem doesn’t seem to involve the male cast members. In fact, they haven’t even been approached about their contracts yet because the women of the show are the priority. It is called Desperate Housewives, after all.

The problem seems to revolve around – drum roll – money. It seems $400,000 might not be enough for at least three of the main quartet; Felicity Huffman (Lynette Scavo), Eva Longoria (Gabrielle Solis) and Marcia Cross (Bree Van de Kamp). ABC president Paul Lee hinted that contract talks with the female stars was one of several things holding up the works.

Teri Hatcher (Susan Mayer) and Vanessa Williams (Renee Perry) have both reportedly renewed their contracts and from what I can gather, the biggest dispute seems to involve Eva Longoria, who is pushing for a pay rise.

In January, Longoria was forced to close the doors of her shared restaurant, “Kiss”, because of losses, amounting to $76,000, and because of the failure to pay some of the restaurant’s creditors. Apparently, this cost Longoria just over $5 million, so presumably, she’s trying to avoid feeling the pinch.

Although somehow I doubt that, taking into account that there have been 149 episodes of Desperate Housewives broadcasted, as of February of this year, and at $400,000 an episode… You do the math. It’s a lot of cash so I don’t think $5 million would cause many a sleepless night.

This unprecedented quandary looks unlikely to leave us twiddling our thumbs on Tuesday nights though. At least, that’s what everyone’s hoping, including Marc Cherry; “the actresses are still in hot and heavy negotiations, so as of this moment everyone is hopeful and optimistic that we’ll be returning for an eighth season”. He does add, however, that it all depends on if the women sign their new contracts, or not.

It’s pretty much factual to say that the show will end, for good, in 2013 when the contract with ABC terminates, after 9 years on our screens. Cherry (like the rest of us!) is still waiting for the green light to get the 8th series underway, so here’s hoping! By the sounds of it, Cherry isn’t distressed by the situation and just hopes to have the contracts agreed on by the end of February. Let’s be optimistic that things are as they seem and that we won’t be landed with the terrible ordeal of having to find something to do for an hour on a Tuesday, when we would otherwise be watching our favourite highly-strung housewives. A stressful thought, I know.

It probably won’t come to that however, which is most likely a good thing because I don’t think its (almost) 200 million viewers worldwide are quite ready to say goodbye to the drama (and fashion) on Wisteria Lane. In the meantime, season 7 is kicking off tonight on RTE2. So grab your pyjamas and your Ben & Jerry’s and enjoy your first hour back with the girls!

How to describe modern television; drugs, sex and explosions seems to be an apt enough description. How many of your favourite programmes revolve around one or more of these concepts? The vast majority no doubt. Even the soaps are turning to ridiculous crashes and explosions to get ratings, see the tram crash on Weatherfield’s infamous cobbles for an appropriate example.

Programmes appear to require illicit affairs and a certain amount of blood and gore to draw an audience. So, I for one was thrilled at the appearance of an honest period drama on our screens in the form of Downton Abbey.

The first season of the charming Downton Abbey recently ended on TV3, after just seven episodes. In the UK alone it managed to gather a following of about 11 million and that was before it hopped over the pond and won the hearts and the minds of the romantic Irish! This programme follows the lives of not only the occupants of Downton but also the servants who work there too.

The first episode opens in April 1912 with the information that the heir of Downton has died aboard the Titanic. This leads to the dilemma that we follow throughout the series. Who will inherit Downton? The Earl of Grantham only has three daughters and no sons. This means that the heir will have to be a distant cousin – from the working class. Just imagine the horror!

Henceforth a whole can of worms is opened. It turns out that the marriage politics are very important in 1912. Love was a phenomenon that happened after the actual marriage and therefore it was finding a good match that was the important aspect in the marriage. This inevitably leads to a lot of backstabbing and bitchiness from the two older sisters, which really is quite amusing to watch.

The servants’ quarters are under the rule of the butler Mr. Carson and the housekeeper Mrs. Hughes. They run a tight ship and yet drama is never too far away. The footman Thomas (formerly Coronation Street’s Liam Connor) and Mrs O’ Brien are cruel and frequently attempt to cause trouble downstairs. However, they don’t get very far under Carson’s watchful eye.

Downton Abbey is filmed in a beautiful big house. If you, like me, have been feeding off the likes of Jane Austin and Georgette Heyer for years, you will be accustomed to such settings. It is undeniably perfect for the drama which is a feature to be acknowledged.

There is a highly exceptional cast of actors. In spite of this, every episode is stolen by the wonderful Dame Maggie Smith. We have seen her as the formidable Professor McGonagall in the Harry Potter series and in many other roles in which she has shone. Her role in Downton Abbey is no exception. She plays the role of the sharp tongued Dowager Countess to a tee and with flawless timing.

The season closes with the announcement that Britain are at war with Germany (1914). Even though the historical setting is taken into account and the audience are reminded of what is happening in this period, it is not predominantly about history. Instead it is a charming drama which captures the imagination and involves the audience in the day-to-day life at Downton.

On seeing the final episode, I rushed to the computer to find out if a second season would be gracing our scenes… Indeed it will. It is expected to return to the UK before Christmas 2011. So if you haven’t already been introduced to the world of Downton hurry off and catch up! I’m sure then that you will join me in waiting with baited breath for its return.

Get ready to fist pump, Jersey Shore is back. The cast of the hit MTV reality TV show are back at the Shore for season three.

In general, I hate reality television. Everywhere you turn, there’s a new reality show on the horizon for obnoxious people who clearly don’t deserve the attention they’re getting on their own reality show, only to have them become tabloid whores for the next several months after the show has faltered or been replaced by a new one. Jersey Shore is pretty atypical when it comes to reality television.

The show is total trash, pure unbridled trash. But like most guilty pleasure television shows, Jersey Shore keeps you watching no matter how much it goes against your better judgment, and however many brain cells you might kill by tuning in to watch new episodes every week. It’s an instance in which you’ll be watching it one minute, and then kicking yourself the next for doing so.

None of the characters are particularly likable or sympathetic but they are alluring. With their over-sized egos and personalities, they have been launched into American pop culture stardom for the foreseeable future. Jersey Shore became a huge hit when it debuted in December 2009, and also sparked a myriad of controversies stemming from its “negative” portrayal of eight Italian-American young people, who have a summer share on New Jersey’s Seaside Heights community and thus bringing a lot of unwelcome notoriety to the area.

These eight self-proclaimed “Guidos/Guidettes” are made up of seriously buff Mike “The Situation,” “gorilla juice-head”  Ronnie, uber-hot Pauly D and Vinny (my personal favourite), Sammi “Sweetheart” , Jenni “JWoww,” Deena and fan-favourite Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi.

The mixed bunch spend their summer on Jersey Shore partying, hooking up, tanning, drinking, fixing their hair, clubbing, fighting, and engaging in every other form of debauchery known to man while also finding some time taking turns working in a boardwalk t-shirt store.

The Shore cast are racking in the doe, with Mike “Situation” reportedly earned $5 Million in 2010. And they all look set to earn even more in 2011 with the announced fourth season set in Italy where the eight will return to their roots and hopefully, will cause a bit of drama on their way. But one has to question, when will it all end?

Is the show coming close to the end of its fifteen minutes? It seems its survival of the fittest for the Jersey Shore cast members, Pauly D, Snooki and Jwoww are apparently in talks to get their own respective spin-off reality shows. So what will happen to the others?

With rumours of new spin-off’s “Wicked Summer”, chronicling the lives of eight “Irish-Americans” (uggh!) going wild in Cape Cod and an un-named MTV project following eight Persians in Los Angeles, will we be seeing the last of Sitch, Sammi, Ronnie, Vinny and Deena once season four is wrapped?

Jersey Shore is trash entertainment, but I’m totally addicted. Yes sir, that’s reality TV infamy for you and it worked its magic on yet another poor soul who will be feeling very sorry for having watched it on an ultra-curious whim.  Catch Jersey Shore season three on MTV Thursday nights at ten.

Band of Brothers has been made a bit of a classic thanks to the hit series produced by Tom Hanks and Steven Speilberg in 2001. What many people don’t know, or are too lazy to read and find out for themselves, is that the TV Mini-series is actually based on this book by Stephen Ambrose.

Of all the thousands of soldiers who fought on the Allied side for America in the Second World War, Easy Company 506th are easily the most recognisable for their infamous training regimes and ability to win battles. It is not only this, however, that makes them stand out as a group of soldiers but also their leader, Dick Winters, who recently passed away. Winters and later Captain Winters led Easy Company through several hard campaigns around France, Denmark, Belgium, Luxembourg and Germany and was one of the first commanding officers to take over Hitler’s retreat in Berchtesgaden. This is one particularly memorable moment in both the book and the episode in Band of Brothers, another being the discovery of the concentration camp near Landsburg which is said to be one of the largest in Germany.

Throughout the book we follow the men of Easy Company, those who lived and died, those who were injured in battle and lived to tell the tale and those who weren’t so fortunate. Original pictures have also been included in the book so you can put a face to the name or feel slightly creeped out by looking at the picture of a dead guy. Whatever you’re into yourself.

For those of you who have seen the Band of Brothers programme then you know what to expect from the book. However, there is an advantage in reading a book like this as it helps you gain a better insight into the experiences these men went through with the inclusion of interviews collected from the officers of Easy Company, before they died.  It is a little gem in the history section of any bookshop because the human experience of the war is revealed. Not just facts and figures about the more important people who died and where or how but about the soldiers who gave their lives to what they believed to be a just cause.

The Historical Society are currently screening Band of Brothers every Wednesday night at 7pm in Kane G19. Free Popcorn to be had!

Nothing makes me happier than sitting down every Wednesday evening to escape into an episode while trying to forget about the litany of essays that seem to endlessly pile up. However, it seems that Glee has developed somewhat of a love/hate relationship with the general public. While I don’t understand how people can’t like such an imagination-fuelled show, I have decided to divulge the five reasons why I love Glee in the vain hope that I can convert some more followers to the musical cult!

5.) Fashion.

From Kurt’s knee length, form-fitting sweaters to Sue’s Addidas tracksuit wedding dress, Glee has presented us with a plethora of weird, wonderful and sometimes inspiring fashion choices. While often missing the mark completely, (Mercedes for example who was once described as a ‘Technicolor zebra’ by Kurt!) each character does have their own unique style and a rather enviable wardrobe to match.

True standouts include Emma Pillbury’s always colourful, sophisticated vintage outfits, Will Schuester’s preppy mix of sweaters, cardigans and Mad Men-esque suit separates and, of course, Kurt Hummel with his dapper, almost avant-garde creations vaulting him into the role of the true fashion iconoclast of the show. Although it may not be the primary reason why I love Glee, its costume design has certainly added a depth that is sorely lacking in many other shows.

4.) Music.

An obvious choice I must admit, but one that cannot be overlooked. Singing can often seem trite and cringe-worthy in TV shows (anyone remember the Buffy musical episode…*shudders.*) Glee however, incorporates its music so seamlessly and effectively into the storylines that it only serves to enhance and empower the themes of the show, rather than acting as a distraction or diversion. Its hugely talented cast have produced some powerful and breathtaking renditions and re-inventions of songs from both past and present.

Personal favourites include Blaine’s Teenage Dream, Quinn’s You Keep Me Hanging On, Mercedes’ Bust Your Windows and Kurt’s Defying Gravity. In truth the show rarely turns out poor covers, the only exception really being Mr. Schuester’s awkward and mortifying version of Gold Digger that kind of resembled an uncle singing at a wedding! Nevertheless, the music of Glee continues to draw me to the show…I even have a playlist on my I-pod dedicated to it (shameful!)

3.) Quotes.

Glee is without a doubt one of the most quotable shows on TV at the moment. With blogs, websites and Facebook pages dedicated to the various sayings and witty quips generated by the programme, it is not surprising that Glee is fast becoming a real challenger to Mean Girl’s crown of the “most quotable TV show or movie ever.”

With stitch inducing one-liners from Brittany (‘Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?’) to Kurt’s hilariously bitchy remarks (‘he’s cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows’) and finally Sue’s deliciously devilish insults (‘You’re about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: horror!’) Glee has consistently delivered funny and memorable quotes. The writing on this show is of astonishing quality; even the most stoic and dry individuals out there would have a hard time not appreciating some of the side-splittingly comical sayings.

2.) Sue Sylvester.

Utterly outrageous and sinfully diabolical, Sue Sylvester is undoubtedly one of the major reasons why I love Glee so much. Masterfully portrayed by Jane Lynch, Sue is a villain like no other. She is intimidated by no-one and has the mettle to say whatever she feels about anything or anyone. For example, her view on homeless people is shocking but delectably droll, stating: ‘I’ll often yell at homeless people: Hey, how’s that homelessness working out for ya? Give not being homeless a try, huh?’

Sue has the condescending, quick witted and demoralizing attitude that I, and so many others, wish they could command in daily life! Furthermore, it is rare to find an antagonist that manages to garner as much sympathy as Sue does. Her unrelenting and vicious personal vendetta to crush the glee club only illogically serves to make me adore her even more! Plus her tracksuits are awesome!

1.) Vampires.

There are no vampires. Enough said!

Grey’s Anatomy is back! RTÉ are now showing the seventh series of this hugely popular medical drama and it has started back with the same top class drama from the top class surgeons we have grown to know and love.

For those of you who have been living under a rock since 2005 let me fill you in. Grey’s Anatomy is set in Seattle Grace Hospital and follows a group of young surgeons attempting to make their way in the medical world. The main character is Meredith Grey. Her mother was a world renowned surgeon which leaves Meredith having to follow in her footsteps.

Meredith is joined by four other interns; the adorable George O’ Malley, who spends a lot of his first year resembling a lost puppy, Christina Yang, who is a highly driven and cut throat surgeon, Alex Karev who appears to be the typical chauvinistic jock type and Katherine Heigl plays the stunning Izzie Stevens, the role that sent her toward stardom. Not all these original interns have survived into series seven, in fact only Meredith, Christina and Alex do.

These characters are also joined by people higher up the medical food chain, Residents and Attendings. And the whole hospital is overseen by Chief Webber, who had an affair with Meredith’s mother back in the day just to add to the drama of it all.

The interns have to deal with their Attendings’ god complexes, fires, deaths, almost marriages, post-it marriages, steamy affairs with the afore mentioned Attendings, getting and passing on STDs, adulterant wives turning up and so on. Between all the drama the interns do manage to cut the odd person open!

There are times when the focus is too focused on the lives and loves of the doctors that, if it weren’t for the fact that it is based in a hospital, you might forget you were watching a medical drama. However, as well as presenting us with brain surgeries and heart surgeries and generally a lot of blood, they do find time to feature some wonderfully gruesome cases.

Very recently, a man who was beginning to resemble the creatures from Pirates of the Caribbean 2 that are destined to crew the Flying Dutchman came to the hospital. This man had large grey warts on his face and claw-like hands, also covered in warts.

Now is a good time to mention that the make-up on this show is pretty amazing. It has been nominated for several Emmys even winning for the Season 6 episode “Suicide is Painless”. But all one has to do is think of ‘Eva’s’ face before and after her facial reconstruction surgery to see that they are a fantastic team of make-up artists that should be applauded. Although this may be a small detail it adds to the credibility of this show as a medical drama. So yay for make-up artists!

At the close of the last season, there was a dramatic shooting in the hospital. The staff has to come to terms with the deaths that have occurred and also attempt to drag their own lives back on track – no mean feat.  Each of the surgeons has his or her own personal                                                                                                                                              hurdles to jump. Meredith lost her baby and almost lost her husband (Patrick Dempsey) and is struggling to face that. The highly motivated Christina struggles to even look at a scalpel. Derek takes to driving at dangerously high speeds along the freeway and therefore gets landed in jail way more times than is healthy!

There are other incidents of post traumatic stress disorder through the staff but while they are learning to cope it is business as usual. They are soon back as being the scalpel wielding gods that they are.

Grey’s Anatomy is on Tuesday at 9 on RTÉ 2. Watch it! Not to be missed!

Picture the scene:  it’s Christmas Day and you have just about survived a multitude of horrors. The early morning special edition mass, making your cordial chatter with neighbours and friends in the Arctic temperatures, helping your mother with turkey preparations (even if you nearly lost a toe to the carving knife as she criticised your slicing skills), the madness that is dinner with the extended family, Christmas crackers, paper crowns, fickle fish, and predictable jokes. Phew.

What you need now is some quality programming to lull you into your turkey coma.  RTE have surely outdone themselves this year, that preview was so promising!  Oh wait, there it is, the sign that the recession has even hit network schedules.  Titanic is on.  Gone with the Wind over here.  Ben Hur over there.  Dear God we are witnessing the return of – mediocre Christmas entertainment!

Yes the originality of broadcast directors this time of year is truly astounding.  Okay, it is the one time of year where people have time to watch such epic movies, (Titanic does not apply to this category), but why must they repeat the same formula every year?  Guaranteed TG4 will probably be showing Willa Wonka and the Chocolate Factory again in the early hours of Christmas morning.  Though I shouldn’t be so sceptical, they did after all blind-side me last year by going with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  How rebellious.

‘Tis the season to vegetate and hibernate by the fire, so one would expect that holiday at home to be filled with not only great memories, but also some good old fashioned, decent tele-visual viewing.  What with the criminal charges of TV licenses, people should expect nothing less than excellent scheduling.  Instead we find endless repeats along with mindless retrospectives.

The numerous amounts of dreadful specials and talent(less) shows that take over the screens are about as appealing as the annual St. Stephan’s Day swim.  Tradition at this time of year sadly fester banality in TV land.  Though I am sure there are a few who have been spared the torture, think of the unfortunate souls like me who, desperate to drink the radiating warmth of the fire, have had to endure a Daniel O’Donnell concert.  Usually live at the INEC.  With an audience infested with hysterical geriatrics.

Or perhaps in the post-feast inertia you could not help but settle with Channel 4’s countdown shows, where arrogant “personalities” lend their “hilarious opinions” and hypothesis of the past year’s most memorable moments.  Spare me.

I never watch the soaps, but I am usually enticed by the evil temptress that is the RTE Guide Christmas Edition.  Along with bringing a promise of hundreds of quality movies, she also claims this will be the most dramatic episode of (insert name here) ever.  Last year I made the mistake of heeding to her call.  Unsurprisingly some wedding or murder went awry.  Seriously my niece could bring more imagination and creativity to these shows and she is four.

Call me finicky, but television around these few days should reflect what the season is about.  Eschewing any religious associations here, I am talking the magic and merriment.  Just think back to when you were a child, work with me and dig deep people, now how enchanting were those times?   Nothing could surpass The Den’s annual visit to Lapland, and so far upon entering my summer years, nothing has.  I yearn to feel like Jack Skellington discovering the wonder that is Christmas.  To obtain that fuzzy feeling and squeal “What’s this?” in glee, I recommend sticking to trustworthy DVDs and abandoning the remote, and enjoying what Christmas is all about: escaping from reality.